Hillary: The only person in the galaxy who could lose to Trump

I will not be surprised if President-elect Trump changes the national motto from e pluribus unum to capto per naturale eius debent (grab them by the pussy). This will show the rest of the world that our leader is a celebrity and we may do whatever we want, not that the rest of the world doesn’t already know the Empire feels this way, just clarifying.

After all, people in other nations don’t have to pick up their morning newspaper to discover, “With whom are we at war today?”

Everywhere, people are asking, “Hillary, how could you lose to The Donald?” She had hundreds of millions of dollars from the ruling banksters, polluters and defense cheats. She had virtually all of the mainstream media praising her and damning her opponent. It’s like the New York Yankees losing to a Little League team.

The Donald pissed off nearly everybody in the nation and put his foot in his mouth every week of his candidacy, making it seemingly impossible for him to get votes from anybody but Newt Gingrich and Chris Christie.

Now I will be the first to admit I blew the prognosticating. I’ve been saying for over two years that Hillary would be the next president. True, the plutocrats wanted her, that is obvious from the media coverage and campaign bribes she got from them, best indicated by the number of billionaires who supported her.

But despite overwhelming momentum, the Trumpster triumphed, as confused working class people reasoned, of Hillary, “Why vote for a fake Republican when you can get the real thing.”

Even the real Republicans did a double take, after so many of them publicly stated they were voting for Hillary. The pollsters are hiding in shame, all predicting a landslide victory for the first female prez. Corporate media talking heads are blaming everybody but themselves, when it’s a fact that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump got nearly all of their coverage since the campaign began, ignoring Jill Stein (for whom I voted, not that it did any good; Hillary still won my state of Virginia).

So what can we expect from a Trump presidency? Well, his golfing partner, Bill Clinton, has already set a precedent in sex with White House interns, and The Donald is more into beauty contestants, so I’m thinking he will hire interns based on placement in such competitions. This will be the first priority for the nation made great again.

After that, Trump will compel world leaders to appear on his new TV show, “Art of the Deal,” broadcast out of the Oval Office, in which they have a shot at getting treaties or trade deals, at the risk of blood coming out of their “wherever.”

As for Hillary there will be new challenges, like trying to steal candy from a baby. Las Vegas has already put 3–2 odds on the baby.

Jack Balkwill has been published from the little read Rectangle, magazine of the English Honor Society, to the (then) millions of readers USA Today and many progressive publications/web sites such as Z Magazine, In These Times, Counterpunch, This Can’t Be Happening, Intrepid Report, and Dissident Voice. He is author of “An Attack on the National Security State,” about peace activists in prison.