The Indian conundrum—a rant and a rave

I am an Indian. I’ve been an Indian for about 20 years now (ever since I was born that is). For as long as I can remember (this bit isn’t exaggerated), I’ve really disliked my country. When I was younger, I didn’t have that many concrete reasons but now I do.

One fine day, I went on Google to find out what others were thinking about India. A brief search, a few open tabs and some reading yielded some very interesting results. Without delving into what people actually had to say, I could understand two things. One was that the outsiders had a rather obnoxious and partially mistaken view of how this country works and the other was that the locals were extremely jingoistic in their defense. Luckily, I’m this oddball who happens to be right on the wall. Perhaps I’m a brick in the wall, so as to speak (no reference to the Pink Floyd song of course) and thus, I felt that some things needed to be explained properly.

First off, almost everybody who isn’t an Indian seems to assume that everybody here drinks cow piss and eats their own refuse. No. India may be a poor third world country but that doesn’t mean people don’t have sense or that they’re mindless deviants. Nobody here eats their own filth. I don’t know how it was in the past but I’ve traveled a lot inside India and I’ve seen many things and one of the things I didn’t see is people eating their own refuse. Yes, people do still defecate out in the open, piss and spit on walls and throw garbage around mindlessly but nobody eats their own excretions.

Secondly, let’s take a moment to talk about this rather tricky issue of why Indians “stink”. I really don’t know whether I stink or not, since many Internet armchair experts claim that an Indian wouldn’t know the stench since the person lives in it perpetually, but I do know that I have a higher standard of personal hygiene than most other people in the world. I take showers regularly (read every day and sometimes every morning and evening). I shave my pubic hair, my armpits and such, I keep my face completely shaven and yes, I do use an antiperspirant and a body spray. Apart from this, my clothes are clean and washed everyday and I don’t walk around in rags. Most of what I said about myself go for most other Indians as well. I’ve never seen people wear dirty clothes or go around stinking for days without a shower.

Indians are, in fact, especially mindful about how they dress and present themselves. The way they dress might be odd (with all the bling and such) but it doesn’t mean they’re dirty. Even a poor cobbler on the roadside would probably take a shower every day. Accusing Indians of stinking because they don’t have a degree of personal hygiene is plain rude since it’s untrue. Why do you think our rivers are so polluted? A part of all that filth is actually bathwater. Don’t believe me? Visit a river front anywhere in India early in the morning and you’ll find a couple of people taking a bath and washing their clothes. Of course, this would lead back to the cyclic argument about them taking a bath in polluted waters but hey, what do you expect them to do? You can’t conjure water out of thin air you know.

Continuing with the “stink” issue, let’s look at the other popular argument. Indians stink because of the copious amounts of curry they consume. Really? I think most of those who offer this explanation have never seen curry in their lives. I was recently talking to a friend in the UK and he told me he had curry. When I asked him what it was, it actually turned out to be kurma.

Curry is not all spice. People think that curry is this weird red colored mixture that Indians ingest like drugs in order to fill their bellies. No! Indian cuisine is not that simple. In fact, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a chef who actually knows what Indian cuisine is. Every region has its own cuisine here in India and each of those have their own unique dishes and all of those dishes are not curry. Indians don’t eat “curry” for breakfast, lunch and dinner. In fact, most people tend to avoid curries since they tend to be fried in oil and that isn’t very healthy. At most, you’ll find people eating some kind of curry (it’s just fried vegetable) twice a day tops. People really love their food here and there’s a huge variety of food available. Nobody with any sense in their head would eat curry alone or eat some variety of curry everyday for all their meals.

Yes, Indians use a variety of spices in their food but that doesn’t mean that a prodigious quantity of spice is used. That would be absurd. Indian stomachs aren’t made out of iron. Nobody would be able to stand the quantity of spice that would be needed for the spice to affect a person’s body odor. Besides, India probably has a larger variety of confectionery than any other place. Most Indians have a sweet tooth and prefer the sweets over the spicy stuff. Just to round this off, check out this rather silly comment about why Indians stink:

“Indians “stink” mainly because of their food. Since Indian food is so heavily spiced, the smell tends to stick to their clothes and whatnot. Cumin is the main culprit for that distinct ‘stink’ smell. But that don’t mean that they don’t bathe and maintain good hygiene.”

No, the reason for the “smell” is most definitely the weather. India is a very, very hot country. In fact, I’m shirtless and sweating as I type this. To cope with such temperatures, we have no choice but to sweat. That’s where the stink is coming from. As for accusations of overseas Indians “smelling”, it’s either racial prejudice or they have a bad case of body odor and didn’t use a deodorant. And finally, cumin IS used in cooking but it’s used in trace quantities.

With that settled, let’s move on to talk about some of that sweet, sweet jingoism. In the comments section of every single article I read online, I saw Indians defending their country. Stupidly. The standard defense was something like this:

“u piece of a shit . . u and ur country is fucking shithole . . ur the one who has done all the shit to whole world with ur . . . fucking shit experements . . ur wars, ur products, everything what u do is destroying this mother earth so think about this earth and stop thinking about India cause ur president comes to india without calling and licking our balls. so u do not have any right to call our country anything u and ur country has done pretty shit job to this world so piss off.”

(Ad hominem)

Or,

“i think i know the reason you are feeling tremors in ur ass. you feel jelous of us . How people living in a shithole could be smarter than you. Dude i don abt others but u cannot stop indians like me from taking over the world.”

(Invoking emotions and ad hominem)

Or,

“Lindsay I am surprised at this why are you, a seemingly educated fellow from a beautiful and respectful Western Nation much like my Ireland, insulting Indians with such voracity, I must ask why stoop to name calling my good sir. I am sorry, but this is blatantly racist, and not unfairly so for if one were to call me a “Cracker” for being white, I would be offended, and the same should be true for calling an Indian fellow an “Elephant Jockey.” You know much about race in India, but you seem to look down on India. I am not trying to be rude, but this “India is a Shithole” article I would expect from a Racist (who has every right to free speech), not one of an enlightened fellow such as yourself. India’s shortcomings may be numerous, but the people there a numerous, all cannot afford the good life, and look at India’s history of colonial oppression by the English/Portuguese/Danish/Dutch/French( Keep in mind these European nations oppressed their own people as well and let Indian high castes and nobility remain in power, in fact they gave them more power leading to greater corruption), Several Islamic(few nations benefit from Islamic rule) Raids, Invasions, and Setbacks, Socialists Backwards Economic Policies, Greek Invasion, war with China, and civil war courtesy of the Brits who helped cause the conflict(but we will place the blame on reactionary Islamism since perhaps even if the Brits did not take part it would have occurred). China experienced far less invasions than India and India was the West’s boy scout they supported the Brits in WWII, and accepted Democracy, like Good little Champs, while the Chinese pumped all their cash into Modernizing their nation at the expense of their starving peasant farmers, to the Chinese progress mattered people did not! China killed their female children, and had brutal population control. India refused population control by Indira Gandhi as it ran contrary to Western Democracy! If India had gotten behind Azad Hind and the Nazis more then it would have became a dictatorship and under Chandra Bose it would have modernized quickly, perhaps quicker than China! Now China may be a powerhouse in the East, but peasant West China is only beginning to modernize. Ok, yea I know India has dirt poor people way poorer than Chinese peasants, but besides India’s setbacks, Indians are not one people but many, India is like Europe everywhere speaks a different tongue and has a different culture, China is homogeneous all them are Han Chinese mostly. BTW only a few far right Hindus drink cow piss, just like crazy cults in the West act like vampires and drink blood. India has a lot going for it however it has a huge labor market, people of all castes are gain more rights keep in mind only 166million out of 1 billion Indians are dalits, but this system is being phased out. India is a holy land to all Buddhists, it has some of the highest military spending and the one of the best militaries, it is major center for the IT market, has a great space program with its Chandrayaan -1, it is a very successful program and maybe the first to colonize the moon (it was started in the 1960s!), TATA maybe the next Toyota with the cheap affordable Nano, and Mittal and Mukesh Ambani. India’s main challenge is to cut out its corruption and reduce its population, but most say by 2050 India will be one of the top powers, India has some of the best Universities and most billionaires- India is a land of super rich and super poor but what can one expect with 1 billion people, Indians are very successful in their own nations but expiate Indians especially American ones are some of the most successful in both College graduation and Income, Bollywood is the largest movie industry, and many inventions/much of early civilization(number system)/even the Flamingo dance came from India. Perhaps now it is fashionable to hate India since it is a rival rising nation, that is still quite poor with some backwards cults that make it easy to ridicule, and of course the drain on the IT industry, hostility and bigotry is understandable, after all in the 90′s everyone hated Chinese and called them dog eaters, and in 80′s hatred was even greater, I read a story about a Chinese man who was mistaken for Japanese and killed for taking jobs, quite a sad ordeal indeed. I can understand Indians can be a little boastful/annoying, but aren’t all ethnicities at some time or another. I can only hope the USA stay the most powerful nation, but India is a more trustworthy nation than China at least to be 2nd most powerful. Hopefully us Europeans can clean out the illegals and criminals in our nations and rise to our former glory as well, I wish the same to the Japanese and Korean who like the Indians have been faithful Western allies! India has always been a far too neutral nation, but it has always produced great minds, cultures, civilizations, China since its Communist regime has done nothing but pollutes their environment, invade Tibet, Manchuria, Inner Mongolia, Xinjiang, and incopatictate HK and Macao, while at the same time oppressing their people and support crazed N.Korea! China has sucked jobs from the US and Europe, and now China is neocolonializing Africa, the Middle East, and don’t even hesitate to think that the Chinese will come back and try to conquer the same Europeans who conquered them(more or less) in the 1800s, India would not do this as they are our faithful allies! I hope you change your mind Mr. Lindsay.

Good day, Mate.:)”

(Friendly wall of text pleading the reader to reconsider how great India really is)

These were only some examples I picked off Robert Lindsay’s blog, which you can read here Be warned though, it’s rather explicit. I found plenty of other examples but these should suffice.

The problem with Indians is that they’re bred into a jingoistic state of mind right from a very young age. They’re presented a warped version of reality. I still remember all the brainwashing kids received at school about how great India really is and how the Indian “culture” and “values” should be preserved and stuff.

Indians never move on. They cling to their antiquated ideas like leeches (yes, I did say that) and propagate incompatible ideas down the generations. It’s always the Mahabarata and Ghandi every time you do something creative. If it’s a dance, it’s always something traditional. If you’re a guitarist (I play the bass), people frown at you like something is wrong with you. Anything that is not Indian music is “rock” music (though this is changing thankfully).

It’s still taboo to be sexually open or even hang out with girls. There’s plenty of sexual tension in the country (this is where all the rapes come from) since the sexes aren’t allowed to mingle freely. A young person is not really allowed to think or decide for themselves (this is changing too, again). An ideal person is someone who “did well” in university (read: got a bachelor’s degree in some engineering nonsense, preferably from IIT), has an unrelated but steady job and is married to some unknown person (“arranged” marriage) by the time they’re 26 or 27.

You’re weird if you want to do well in sports. In fact it you want to make a career in anything that’s not academics you’ll hear something like, “Yes, that’s all right but studies are important too.” or you’ll be dismissed as “childish” and “immature.” A young person has no choice but to “study well” and “get good marks.” If they don’t, then they’re ridiculed, looked down upon, beaten and generally treated like crap.

Women can be educated but only to “help the household.” Women are frowned upon if they insist on working (this trend is changing slightly). Women can’t hold positions of power. Women can’t wear “Western” clothes because it would cause men to have “indecent thoughts” (I really hate this one). Men can ogle all they want but a woman isn’t even allowed to make eye contact with an unrelated person of the opposite gender. Love marriages are frowned upon. Anything “Western” is frowned upon. Sex is frowned upon (but men do watch porn anyway).

This is what is taught to every Indian person and this is what defines their outlook. I agree that everybody in India doesn’t share this but it forms the basis of opinion for most Indians. This is where most of the jingoism comes from. Everyone knows deep inside that India is in pathetic shape and that our astronomical levels of corruption and few small achievements are nothing to brag about. But people do it anyway. I’ve received numerous chain mails talking about how India is great (please forward this mail to every other proud Indian!) and why India is the “best in the world.” As an Indian, I feel that it is nothing more than a pathetic attempt by everyone to make themselves feel better. The truth is that Indians are incredibly lazy. It is a well known fact that Indians are very slow in their work (bar a very few) but the reason for this is the simple fact that my compatriots are ridiculously lazy. You just need to visit a government office to understand what I’m saying. Everybody wants money but Indians want it the easy way. That’s the problem with the country. Indians don’t like to work. I honestly don’t know when this attitude will change though.

Also there is this rather misguided belief among Indians that India is an “IT powerhouse.” I only have one question. If India were indeed a “IT powerhouse,” why in the world are we still on ridiculously expensive internet connections that still crawl at 512Kbps (after the wonderful FUP that gets implemented at around 10GB of course!) and why does India not have any major names in the commercial IT sector (à la Microsoft, Razer, Apple and so on)?

So yes, this has been basically one huge rant but I think I’ve set straight some things. A lot of what the outside world knows about India are myths. In return, the “defense” that Indians provide are stupid. In that aspect, the country really needs to grow up. I don’t subscribe to patriotism so I don’t care if I receive any hate mail for this.

And a small message to Indians—I still dislike this country. I would dislike it less if people stopped being so cooped up and started to change. We all know we suck and it’s really time we started doing something about it. In fact, I am more patriotic than most Indians seeing that I’ve managed to accept the truth for what it is and I’ve changed my ways (a long time ago). Sadly, I don’t think it’ll be the same with the others.

I have intentionally left out any references in this article because I hope that people will become curious and find out things on their own. Besides, a lot of what I read would be deemed incredibly offensive (especially by Indian standards) and I’d rather not link to those sites at all.

The author is a young writer from somewhere around the Indian subcontinent who is another face in the crowd.